Lifting awareness of male supremacy: an elevator pitch with a twist

The source of much of what is wrong in the world today is male supremacy, awareness of which needs raising. Could one simple question do the trick?

I believe there are many men out there who, like me, are sick to death of guys who perpetuate, knowingly or unintentionally, the evil that is male supremacy and all the pain and suffering that it is causing in the world today.

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The burden of that pain and suffering falls mainly on women. But the pain and suffering caused by male supremacy also impacts men, through the oppressive hierarchical structure of society and the poisoning of our efforts to relate to each other.

In my opinion the solution is — or at least begins with — men and women improving their understanding of each other. One huge gap in mutual understanding that I see is the risk gap: far too few men truly comprehend the amount of risk that women have to deal with each and every day, throughout their lives. According to a vast range of studies and statistics, life is a lot riskier for women than it is for men, even in so-called advanced countries like the US and UK. If you doubt this, consider this observation from a woman I know:

What a luxury it is not to have to think about being assaulted while you go about your day, to feel safe in a rideshare, loiter in a park, relax in a bar, walk home alone from work at night. — Soraya Chamley

If you are still not convinced that women are forced to live with more risks than men, I have a question for you:

A man and a woman get into an elevator. Which one is doing risk assessment?

If you’re a man and your first thought was the woman, good for you! It sounds like you may have what it takes to truly understand what I mean about life being riskier for women. If you're a man and answered the woman and immediately felt discomfort, sadness, shame, or anger that this is how things are: Congratulations! You have real potential to make this world a better place, a place where women feel as safe as men.

I'm talking about a place where women can enjoy the luxury of not having to think about being assaulted while they go about their day. A place where male supremacy is not exacting a constant toll on our sisters, mothers, daughters, partners, wives or lovers. A place in which it is no longer the case that: 

...men’s relative freedom of movement and safety are unspoken privileges. And we pay for them dearly every day. — Soraya Chamley

To be clear, I think men can and should make this world a place where women are free to live the lives they choose for themselves, and it safe for them to do so. As I've said, it’s going to take a lot of hard work, but I truly believe this work will make life a whole lot better for both men and women. And there is one relatively easy piece of work we can all do right now: ask the elevator question (or the lift question if you’re in the UK).

Working the Elevator/Lift Question

I’ve been asking the elevator question for many years in many different settings and I find it to be a very effective, non-confrontational way of raising awareness of how different life is for men and women due to the huge gap in their risk exposures. And to say that I’ve learned a lot by asking this question would be huge understatement.

First of all, almost all women answer the woman. I had expected this when I first came up with the question, but I was taken aback by how many women said it right way, I mean instantly, and sometimes loudly. 

What I had not expected was the unprompted outpouring of elevator strategies, like these:

• I always head to the back of the elevator.
• If the elevator’s empty and the man goes first, I pretend I’ve forgotten something and don’t get in.
• If the elevator’s empty, so it’s just him and me, I don’t get in.
• If it’s just me and and a man waiting for the elevator I take the stairs.
• Unless it’s a really tall building I always take the stairs, and not because I need the exercise.
• If I’m the only woman waiting for an elevator I make sure I have my keys in my hand.

For me, these strategies shine a bright light on the huge gulf between the way men and women experience daily life, and they instantiate its implications. This gulf, and the way it reflects all the things that make up male supremacy today — the persistent misogyny, the enduring patriarchal structure of society and its institutions, the appalling level of violence against women — needs to be openly discussed by all of us, at dinner parties, in staff meetings, over drinks after work, and in our homes.

This brings me to the elevator pitch. Sometimes called the elevator speech, lift speech, or elevator statement, it is defined by Wikipedia as: "a short description of an idea, product, or company that explains the concept in a way such that any listener can understand it in a short period of time." 

I've written a ton of these during my time as an entrepreneur, author, and film producer. Here's my elevator pitch explaining why we should be asking the elevator question:

"If you're looking for a way to raise awareness of how unequal life still is for people who are not rich white men, especially for the 50% of people who present as female or feminine, pose the following question whenever you get a chance: A man and a woman get into an elevator. Which one is doing risk assessment?" 

If the elevator ride is a longer one, I would add suggestions as to who should hear this question: your partner, your friends, your work colleagues, the people you meet at conferences, sports events, coffee shops and bars. 

Anyway, that's my pitch. Ask the elevator question and see what happens. I'd love to hear how you get on. I'd also love to hear what you think of Soraya Chemaly's new book: All We Want Is Everything: How We Dismantle Male Supremacy. In my opinion it does a great job of spelling out what male supremacy is, why it still exists, what great harm it is causing, and how important it is to, in here word, dismantle it. If you already know this stuff, recommend it to folks who don't. Better yet, buy them a copy.

NOTES

1. Gender language: I made a conscious decision to write this article using the traditional terms men and women. My reason: I didn't want to lose any male readers before I had even made my point. That point is: male supremacy is bad for everyone and one way to advance the very urgent and very necessary task of dismantling it, is to raise awareness of just how much harm it does to us all, including cisgender women, trans and non-binary people, and those with Indigenous gender/social roles, and also cisgender men like me. I'm pretty sure most people in all those groupings already understand this, with the notable exception of an unacceptably high percentage of cisgender men.

2. Male Supremacy: the belief in cisgender men’s superiority and right to dominate, control, or erase “others,” women, trans and non-binary people, and those with Indigenous gender/social roles. —Institute for Research on Male Supremacism

3. Quotes: The exact source of Soraya's quotes in the article is All We Want Is Everything: How We Dismantle Male Supremacy, Kindle Edition, pqq, 2025.

4. Transparency: I should mention that I did not come up with the elevator question in the context of dismantling male supremacy. It a rose from my efforts to recruit more women into the cyber security profession. There has always been a shortage of people with the necessary aptitude and inclination to do the vital work of defending our ever-growing digital information systems and the data they process. I'm sure I wasn't the first person to point out that the profession was male dominated but that women were entirely capable of making vital contributions to profession. But I was one of the first to point out that, on aggregate, women tended to have a greater awareness of risk than men, and hence likelier to possess an aptitude for security work.

5. Keys and self-defense: Clenching your keys in your fist with the points sticking out between your fingers has long been a staple of "self-defense for women" but many experts are now of the opinion that a different style of key grip is better, as enthusiastically demonstrated in this video: